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Saturday, February 24, 2007
okay let's go back in time. rubbish before i go into well, not so rubbish things.
valentines day. what really made my day was after i came back from shirim and the guys sprang a surprise "party" thing for me, complete with flowers and chocolate and all. and they gave me a small bouquet of ferror rocher flowers! like ferrero rocher with leaves and stalks stuck on. that made peiling really happy. apparently everyone in my family knew, except me rawr. had dinner and went down to talk by the pool. it was cool because i saw them the on 10 feb but man i miss seeing those guys every week.
chinese new year. we went back to malaysia around late afternoon and reached there at around 11pm. got angbaos =D and i got a lot more money than that collected from my mum's side even though i only got 5 angbaos from my dad's side- grandma, grandaunty, granduncle, aunty julin [dad's cousin] and uncle jit tian[dad's cousin], which is really cool! the most interesting part of the time spent in malaysia was went i went over to my granduncles house and met up with my cousins and aunty and her husband, and i shall not bother explaining about how they are related to me etc. adult talk again and all of the kids were sitting around trying not to look bored at first, but we couldnt stand it in the end. and at the start, they'll have the usual "oh so [insert name] is [insert age] already right?" and i realied that 3 years has flown by since i first saw them [after not seeing them since i was what 5, 6?]. when i first met them, ronald was 18 mervyn 15 gabriel 13 adeline 8. now they're like their age then plus 3. but despite the adult talk, there were some funny bits. they were talking about ronald and mervyn learning how to drive and:
grandaunty: gabriel said that when mervyn was trying to park the car, he nearly drove into the garage door, right gabriel?
[gabriel shakes and nods and shakes his head]
grandaunty: was gabriel telling the truth mervyn?
[mervyn shakes his head]
grandaunty: gabrielll...
gabriel: no lah it was ronald.
[mervyn gives a triumphant grin]
and when we were leaving to go back to join my grandma for dinner, aunty julin asked my grandaunty to join them for dinner, but my grandaunty didnt want to. and when she was in the toilet, i was telling my sister "eh maybe we should leave now then she will have to go for dinner with them". and mervyn overheard and said "as if, i bet she's rushing out of the toilet now." anyway we ended up going for dinner with them. we took 3 cars. and my sis and i were like with my grandaunty because we were supposed to take care of her. so driver = mervyn. passengers = gabriel ronald grandaunty jie me. there was an oil tanker in front of us and i made a passing comment that we should stay far away from oil tankers. and mervyn filtered to the extreme right and he made it a point to stay like a few metres behind the tanker [even though we were already far away from it] because he didnt dare to accelerate since he just got his driving license. and all of us started laughing, and we were the last to reach the restaurant [as expected]. i think my cousins [on my dad's side] are really nice and funny and rubbishy people. and we talked to them more than we ever did like since we saw them 3 years ago. i think if we kept going back to klang every year to visit my grandpa and grandpa last time instead of going to malacca, the 6 of us [adeline's too young] will be really close now, considering that we were indeed very close when we were younger and played soccer and what not together. oh well. mervyn's good-looking, like your typical rich cool boy in dramas. gabriel's a pretty boy. we took a photo, but i dont have it with me now, so too bad you dont get to see my cousins.
reached singapore on monday evening and rushed to go for family gathering on my mum's side. it was nearly over anyway, so we went there, bainian, get angbaos, say hello, and my cousins and me and my siblings went to tampines mall to catch a movie. but we decided not to in the end and took the train to changi airport and sat there and talked.
i liked the long car ride to and from klang, we had a lot of fun cracking lame jokes, talking rubbish and laughing at each other [like my mum honking at a police car]
okay enough rubbish. i still have a lot of rubbish recounts that i havnt typed. but i dont want to bore myself or bore others to death.
on a more serious note, the whole evolution topic we're learning during bio is stressing many people i know out and all. anyway i read the first 2 pages of "the origin of species" and i didnt continue because i wasnt in the mood to read, and so i decided to go running. my mum told me that if i wanted to go running late at night out of the house i had to get someone with me. since my brother was busy i called jon, good to have someone who stays near you eh. went running and though it was silent most of the time because both of us had our own things to think about, it was good and rawr now my thigh hurts for some reason. anyway im digressing. evolution, is such a controversial topic. i believe that characteristics and features can be developed over time to adapt to the ever-changing environment. but other than that, let's just say the Bible has the highest authority, and Bible > origin of species totally. and i dont think that this whole issue on evolution will weaken my faith, or at least i hope it wont. i guess my faith is pretty strong when it comes to things like these, but for other things ahh... anyway rawr actually ive got a lot i want to say, just that sometimes you just dont know how to put EVERYTHING into words so nevermind.
have you ever wondered
why sometimes you do things the way you do
why you screw things up somehow and you wish you could do something to make amends
why most people leave with many things unsaid and undone
why "treasure what you have" has been drilled into you since young but you just havnt been putting it into practice
why you always need something to wake you up from your slumber
why wake up calls always have to be bad
why what we consider "bad things" are in fact good for us
why in the end we have absolutely no control over the lives we're living?
on wednesday during cle, may tan talked about her experiences in neighbourhood schools etc. and i was just thinking like yeah, we're really blessed and all but yet why do we keep complaining and arent satisfied with what we have. haha im revisiting this topic again. there's always this thing in us that urges us to strive for more, to strive for something better, that what we have is simply not enough and that we need more. is this thing human nature? i mean ive got great family, friends [and a great God] who satisfy my emotional needs, ive got enough money for my material needs, but yet i still want more. and then comes the question: what is my purpose here on earth? i know the answer, it's to glorify God and to enjoy Him. but yet is glorifying God and enjoying Him the reason why i study for exams, why i want to get a high gpa, to ace the a-levels, to enter a well-known university and graduate from there with honours, to take my masters, to get a good job etc.? i dont think so. it's easy to give a politically correct answer for such a question, but it's difficult to put it into practice. have i been doing everything for His glory? have i been enjoying Him fully since the time i became a Christian? i would love to say yes to the questions, but i know that it's not. even when im doing things related to church, and serving Him, i know there are times when it's for my own glory. it's not such an easy thing after all. and the worst thing is that i know all these, but what am i doing with my life despite knowing it?
ive got it all but i feel so deprived
i go up i come down and im emptier inside
tell me what is this thing that i feel like im missing
and why cant i let it go
theres gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
im still feeling weird and lethargic. like the emptiness within is coming back again for some reason and ive been trying to run, listen to music, read and watch tv to make up for it but it isnt working, well obviously it wont work right. and im feeling so tired that i dont have energy to do like everything. and ive been preoccupied with i dont know what. im starting to miss a lot of people. im wishing that i can turn back time and do/ undo things, but of course it's just wishful thinking. rawr i miss the times when i could blog about something happy without sounding fake. ah it's a mix of emo cum i dont know what. and i know many around me feel that way too. brandon's been giving himself intensive training on top of his already tiring school training to keep his mind away from things. jon's been studying and studying to stop himself from thinking. and there's still kenny byron cherlyn. what's up with us man.
be my escape- relient k
ive given up on giving up slowly
im blending in so you won’t even know me
apart from this whole world that shares my fate
this one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because i know to live you must give your life away
and ive been housing all this doubt and insecurity
and ive been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
and ive been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
and even though theres no way in knowing where to go
promise im going because
i gotta get outta here im stuck inside this rut that i fell into by mistake
i gotta get outta here and im begging You x3 to be my escape
im giving up on doing this alone now
cause ive failed and im ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and im trying to get there
and this life sentence that im serving
i admit that im every bit deserving
but the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
and ive been housing all this doubt and insecurity
and ive been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
and ive been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
and even though theres no way in knowing where to go
promise im going because
i gotta get outta here cause im afraid that this complacency is something i can’t shake
i gotta get outta here and im begging You x3 to be my escape
i am a hostage to my own humanity
self detained and forced to live in this mess ive made
and all im asking is for You to do what You can with me
but i cant ask You to give what You already gave
i fought You for so long
i should have let You in
how we regret those things we do
and all i was trying to do was save my own skin
but so were you
simplicity.
*****
simple facts
peiling
30 march
christian
tnsrgs
